and i looked up. we had an audience...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
