i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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