walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize