okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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