Having a random hookup so left but love u
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
