No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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