Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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