I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
