Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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