he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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