She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
