I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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