I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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