Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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