we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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