Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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