i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
