just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the room spins SO much faster in panama
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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