I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize