Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
