so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
