I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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