My hand turned me down
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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