It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
