Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
