What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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