dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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