its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
