My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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