I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
