Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
