He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sex in the backyard? Check.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
