My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
