I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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