I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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