Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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