the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
