i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You are a genius and a whore.
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