i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
