I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want her autograph on my taint
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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