I showed him my bush... on skype.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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