The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
