twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
