I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
