So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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