Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
