I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
