I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
