I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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