There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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