Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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