So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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