This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
