Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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