giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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