DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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