Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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