I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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